Excerpt Number Three from: ‘He Said, She Said’ - An engaging and humorous short fiction collection of Studs Terkel-style tales of faith, love, life, and sometimes, even redemption.
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WeNeedToTalk (Part Three)
Abby: Watch out. You almost hit that girl on the bike.
Pierre: What girl on what bike?
* * *
Pierre: This is heaven. So warm and clean. The water looks like a painting.
Abby: (silence)
Pierre: I said the water looks like a painting.
Abby: Will you please shut up. Can’t you see I’m reading?
* * *
Abby: How did the doctor appointment go?
Pierre: It was fine. He said I should quit smoking.
Abby: Did you tell him he should quit smoking?
Pierre: Of course.
Abby: Well, you both should quit.
Pierre: Maybe he and I could go to a Quit Smoking Summer Camp.
Abby: Did he say anything about your drinking?
Pierre: No, but he did say he was sorry that my Mormon wife was always ragging on me about having a drink.
Abby: I doubt very much he said that.
Pierre: I doubt very much he said that, too.
Abby: And the heart thing?
Pierre: Mine or his?
Abby: Are the pills helping?
Pierre: I guess.
Abby: You guess. Yes or no?
Pierre: Yes. I told him about the health band. He said it was a great idea. He told me to keep using it.
Abby: So you're going to stop using it?
* * *
Pierre: Christ. Have you seen my keys?
Abby: Do you mean ever or lately?
Pierre: I’m late. I have a staff meeting at 10:00 AM.
Abby: I have seen them. But not today. I think I last saw them on Tues-
Pierre: Stop screwing around. I need to find my keys.
Abby: As I said.
Pierre: You’re no help.
Abby: Are these your keys?
Pierre: Yes. Where were they?
Abby: Where you left them. On the coffee table.
Pierre: Can I have them, please. I really have to roll.
Abby: Roll? You are late. Wouldn’t it be better to drive?
Pierre: Can I have my keys?
Abby: May I.
Pierre: May I what?
Abby: May I, not ‘can’ I.
Pierre: Give me my fucking keys.
Abby: Close enough, I guess.
Pierre: You piss me off.
Abby: Now you know what I feel like, living with you.
* * *
Abby: So, what’s with the toilet seat?
Pierre: What? Is it broken?
Abby: No, but it just looks like we’re not putting it down anymore?
Pierre: What? One time. In 12 years? And all of a sudden I am a pig?
Abby: I was just checking.
* * *